Childhood Meets Westeros
You’ll Shit Gold

Yet another number that’s been a long time coming.

To the tune of “Let It Go” from “Frozen”

(TYRION finds SHAE in his father’s quarters, and begins strangling her
with the Hand’s chain)

TYRION
You had to be be
Someone who treated me
Like I was a human being.
You told me I was your lion
Then you sold out to the queen
Turns out that I’m the man
From whom you had to hide
Couldn’t keep you safe
Heaven knows I tried.

(To TYWIN)

When I was born
You wished me dead
Now I’ve hung the
Whore who was in your bed.
I’ve slipped your grip and you weren’t told

(He kicks down the door to TYWIN’s privy and levels the crossbow at him)
Now you’ve been told.

You’ll shit gold
You’ll shit gold
You’re losing this final war
You’ll shit gold
You’ll shit gold
I will shoot if you say whore
And now dad,
You’ll end up like Shae
Now your son is gone
Wish you’d never fathered me anyway

You’ve hated my existence.
But dad, I’m you writ small.
And just like in Castamere, dad,
Today’s the day you fall.

You thought you’d won the game, and yet
Your final move has been upset.
Now dad, behold your legacy:
It’s me!

You’ll shit gold
You’ll shit gold
When I shoot you between the thighs
You’ll shit gold
You’ll shit gold
I sentence you to die
From now on,
I do things my way.
Now your son is gone.
Your power will not help you in the Seven Hells
This is for Sansa, Robb Stark and for Elia Martell.
image
In coats of gold or red, this lion still has claws
And mine are long and sharp, as long and sharp as yours!

You’ll shit gold
You’ll shit gold
But one Lannister will live on
He who’ll hold
All your gold
Is your most hated spawn
All your debts
It’s now time to pay
'Cause your son is gone.

(Fires the crossbow)
Wish you’d never fathered me anyway.
Gregor (UPDATED)

Given what happened this week, this song was due for an update.
To the tune of “Gaston” from “Beauty and the Beast”

(GREGOR is busily chopping up peasants while CERSEI looks on, impressed. He is visibly angry.)

GREGOR CLEGANE (spoken)
Who does he think he is? That Viper has tangled with the wrong dog. No one challenges Gregor!

CERSEI
Darn right!

GREGOR
And all for something I did to relieve stress years ago. It’s more than I can bear.

CERSEI
More peasants?

GREGOR
What for? Nothing helps. I’m insulted.

CERSEI
Ser Gregor, you’ve got to pull yourself together.
(sung)

Everyone’s scared who has met you, Gregor
At Oberyn you should scoff!
Nobody here would upset you Gregor
You would just rip their head off

Human life isn’t a factor for you
You make all your enemies die
HBO can’t keep an actor for you
And it’s not very hard to see why

No one kills like Gregor
Has the skills of Gregor
Can enforce Tywin Lannister’s will
Like Gregor
'Cause there's no Westerosi so beastly
You made Elia your whore
You can take all the peasants so measly
And then tickle them til they can’t take anymore

PEASANTS
No one rapes like Gregor
Makes cruel japes like Gregor
No one hurts those who try to escape
Like Gregor

GREGOR
Rape beats all that consensual copulating

GREGOR’S GANG
God, what a dog, that Gregor
With Martell blood upon your hands

GREGOR
I beat their heads off
I make Joff-
Rey look grand!

GANG
None can chase like Gregor
Swing a mace like Gregor
Or set fire to a sibling’s face like Gregor
For you’re great at abuses of power

GREGOR
Though I serve evil aristocrats

GANG
Your interrogate worse than Jack Bauer

GREGOR
Damn straight!
That pansy can’t do the shit I do with rats!

GANG
No one’s sick like Gregor
Gets his kicks like Gregor
And makes boys piss their pants while he picks
Like Gregor

GREGOR
I’m especially good at decapitating

SWORD!

(Chops off his horse’s head)

GANG
Ten points for Gregor!

GREGOR
When I was a lad I would torture my bro
Every evening to help me get tough
And now that I’m grown I just kill peoples’ foes
'Cause the torture is never enough!

PEASANTS
NOOOO, PLEASE, NOOOOO
God, what a dog, that Gregor
There’s no Lord like Gregor
None use swords like Gregor
No one breaks the Geneva Accords like Gregor

GREGOR
And to peasants I’m totally captivating!

ALL
God what a dog, Gregor! 

(Later on, CERSEI goes to TYWIN)

CERSEI
Now father, I fear I’ve been thinking

TYWIN (dryly)
A dangerous pastime.

CERSEI
I know.
But with Martell as Tyrion’s champion
We might have to let Tyrion go
For the wheels are constantly turning
In that dwarf’s little repulsive head

TYWIN
You’re being paranoid, trust me
When all this is done
Tyrion and Martell will be dead

No one’s tall as Gregor
Kils ‘em all like Gregor
Hell, Inigo Montoya would fall to Gregor
'Cause while Oberyn may think that he will
Get vengeance for all of his hates
Gregor’s a machine built for evil
Just like Andre the Giant crossed with Norman Bates

No one’s fast like Gregor
No one’s vast like Gregor
If he dies, we can always recast a Gregor

BOTH
And a viper he’ll soon be eviscerating
God what a dog, Gregor!



When They’re/You’re Hearsed, I’m His Forever

To the tune of “For the First Time in Forever/For the First Time in Forever (Reprise)”

(We open in the Eyrie, where LYSA is reflecting on her complicity in poisoning Jon Arryn and Joffrey)

LYSA
Jon Arryn was such a bloody bore
No matter that his murder caused a war.
'Cause now I'm safe from any dire straits
I’m safe behind these mountain walls
Even if every kingdom falls
Finally, I’ll have my choice of mates

I can actually get back Petyr
If I just follow his plan
Chaos is a ladder to my man!

'Cause when they're hearsed, I'm his forever
Once I leave this poison’s mark
When they’re hearsed, I’m his forever
While Cat got stuck with Eddard Stark

They were serving her all of the sweet things
What I got was sick and old
But when they’re hearsed, I’m his forever
And that’s best served cold

(spoken)
I can’t wait for him to meet my son! (gasp) Soon it’ll be his son!

(to ROBIN)
When I wed the Lord of Harrenhal
He will accept you warts and all
And you will know a father’s true embrace
There’s not a wish of yours he’ll deny
You can make all the bad men fly
And then shove both my breasts into your face
'Cause while I know you're still breastfeeding
Which is not at all bizarre
Petyr will still love you as you are!

'Cause when they're hearsed, I'm his forever
No more husband, no more Joff
When they’re hearsed, I’m his forever
Because they both will have been offed

And I know I act totally crazy
But it’s only for my love
'Cause when they're hearsed, I'm his forever
Isn’t that enough?

(We cut to LITTLEFINGER guiding SANSA toward the Eyrie.)

LITTLEFINGER
Pull up your hood,
Don’t let them see
Be a good liar, ‘cause you have to be
You’ve slipped
Their grip
But they have gold
Make one wrong move,
And Cersei will be told
Because you’ve got away

LYSA
I’ve finally got my way

LITTLEFINGER
I’m master of your fate

LYSA
I’m master of my fate

LITTLEFINGER
Lysa, open up the bloody gate!

LYSA
The gate!
'Cause now they're hearsed, I'm his forever

LITTLEFINGER
Pull up your hood, don’t let them see…

LYSA
And now we’ll settle all our scores

LITTLEFINGER
Be a good liar, ‘cause you have to be

LYSA
I’ll have the man for whom I’d die

LITTLEFINGER
Don’t slip.

LYSA
The man I have killed for!

LITTLEFINGER
You’ve slipped their grip,
And they weren’t told.

LYSA
And though we have caused a nightmare
I still get to have my dream
'Cause now they're hearsed, I'm his forever
Now they’re hearsed, I’m his forever
And I’m gonna scream!

(We skip to when LYSA is trying to shove SANSA through the Moon Door)

LYSA
I will send my flesh and blood
Right through the moon door
You will not become my Petyr’s little whore

'Cause when you're hearsed, I'm his forever
You’ll fly, and then you will land
When you’re hearsed i’m his forever
Because Petyr has my hand

You’ve put me at the end of my tether
And your punishment’s severe
'Cause when you're hearsed, I'm his forever
I won’t have you here!

(LITTLEFINGER enters and begins to try to soothe her)

LITTLEFINGER
Lysa…
Just please calm down
You are my mate
Just let Sansa free, and step back from the gate

LYSA
But—

LITTLEFINGER
I know! It’s for love, but let her go
We consummated our love long ago
Don’t kill her over one kiss in the snow

LYSA
But I’ve not forgot!

LITTLEFINGER
Neither have I ‘forgot.’

LYSA
I lied and killed them all for you!

LITTLEFINGER
Yes, I know that’s true.

LYSA
When we’re threatened, this is what I do!

LITTLEFINGER (spoken)
Oh, my sweet silly wife. Just let her go and everything will be alright.

LYSA
I destroyed my entire family just to have you! I waited all this time! You never cared! You were too busy mooning over Cat! But not anymore! You’re mine! You’re always mine!
(sung)
'Cause when she's hearsed, you're mine forever
There’ll be no Catelyn spawn left then

LITTLEFINGER
Shhh, it’s over now, and you’re with me

LYSA
We have been truly bound together

LITTLEFINGER
You are a Baelish now, not a Tully
Come here and have a cry

LYSA
Ordained by both Gods and men!

LITTLEFINGER
Yes, so long as Sansa doesn’t die

LYSA
I own you!

LITTLEFINGER
Throughout the world
I’ve loved one girl

LYSA
It will be finished when…

LITTLEFINGER
Ohhhhh…

LYSA
Oh my Petyr, you’re so clever
When this whore’s gone to the nether
Then nobody will make us part again!

LITTLEFINGER
Ohhhhh…nly Cat!

(LITTLEFINGER throws LYSA through the Moon Door)




In Winter

(My sense of humor is sick, in case it wasn’t obvious.)

To the tune of “In Summer” from “Frozen”

(The scene: The WHITE WALKER who has taken Craster’s son is singing to him about how awesome being a White Walker will be)

WHITE WALKER
You’ve been saved
Your species soon will meet its grave
But you won’t act how mammals behave
In winter

When you truly freeze
Your life’ll be awesome as you please
Vibrant as the deciduous trees
In winter!

You’ll finally see a winter storm blow away a summer breeze
And find out what happens to blood beneath 95 degrees
And we’ll go visit Mance
Make the Night’s Watch all piss their pants
As we make our slow, relentless advance
In winter!

Da da ba boo ah bah bah bah bah bah boo
Look, kid, you should know, the white walkers rule
Join us and you can be super cool!
Ratdatdat, dadadadadoo
Humans might say they’ll remember you fondly
But join the White Walkers and you’ll be a…

(A WIGHT shambles by mumbling “Braaaaiiins…”)

WHITE WALKER
…Happy baby!
Undeath is tough, but you can hold on to your dream
Here in the ice, just practicing your best ringwraith scream

Oh your eyes’ll be blue
And your mom’ll have them, too
When we finally do what White Walkers do
In winter

OTHER WHITE WALKER
I’m gonna tell the kid.

WHITE WALKER (spoken)
Don’t you dare!
(Sung)
In winter….!

We’ll Grow Strong


To the tune of “Be Prepared” from “The Lion King”

(We open in the gardens of King’s Landing, with OLENNA Tyrell, MARGAERY, LORAS and the rest of the Tyrell GIRLS conspiring after the meeting with Sansa in Season 3)

OLENNA (to LORAS, spoken)
I don’t think you really deserve her. I practically gift-wrapped Renly’s claim. And you couldn’t even keep him safe.

LORAS (spoken)
It’s not exactly like I could stop Brienne. And what are we supposed to do now? Kill Joffrey?

OLENNA
Precisely.
(sung)
I know that King Joffrey’s ascension
Was as dirty as Loras’ backside
But kindly feel no apprehension
His reign will soon be rectified

It’s clear from that girl’s blank expression
Her wits are a traumatized wreck
But we’ll ensure Tommen’s succession
With a jewel placed right round her neck

We’ve grown strong with our bountiful harvests
We’ve grown strong without sword, fire or helm
A peaceful new era
Is tip-toeing nearer
The rape and defiling
We’ll leave to Lord Tywin
Once this war is sorted
Then we’ll be supported
Because we are feeding the realm.
It’s a plan that can never go wrong.
We’ll grow strong!

LORAS (spoken)
Yeah, we’ll grow strong! (thinks) What does that mean?

OLENNA
The death of King Joffrey.

LORAS
Why, is he sick?

OLENNA
No, Loras, we’re going to kill him, and Sansa, too.

LORAS
Great idea! I’m fabulous enough to be the only queen Westeros needs! No queen, no queen, la la la la la.

OLENNA
Idiot. There will be a queen.

LORAS
But you said…

OLENNA (pointing to a portrait of MARGAERY)
She will be queen. Thanks to her, Westeros knows they’ll never go hungry again.

LORAS (and GIRLS)
Long live the Queen!
Long live the Queen!

GIRLS
The lions and wolves make men cower
But our queen will be kindly and fair

OLENNA
It’s truly a must for soft power
That all shall love her and despair
And unlike Eddard Stark’s beheading
Where all the blame fell on Joffrey
When we strike at this royal wedding
They’ll think it’s the Imp and not me.
We’ll grow strong as we fertilize Joffrey
We’ll grow strong, but through love and not fear
This plan cannot wreck us
So pick a good necklace
And Joffrey will die well
To raise up House Tyrell

GIRLS and LORAS (synonymous with above)
Ooooooh, la la la!
There’ll be food
Lots of food
But, this feast,
Joff’s deceased

OLENNA
The throne we usurp’ll
Be stained rich and purple
But bloodless, unlike Castamere
Yes, our thorns are as sharp and as long
We’ll grow strong!


ALL
Yes, our thorns are as sharp and as long
We’ll grow strong!

Slay Our Guest

(I realize all of you are probably reeling in pain from tonight’s episode. But inappropriate humor waits for no fan, and besides, I read the books and have been waiting to post this song since I started writing this Tumblr. Enjoy, or yell at me, whichever seems best to you.)

Slay Our Guest

To the tune of “Be Our Guest” from “Beauty and the Beast.”

WALDER FREY
Slay our guest
Slay our guest
This affront can’t be redressed
You apologized for shaming me,
But boy, I’m not impressed.
It’s just like Castamere
You ain’t got no guest right here!

'Cause the Tullys were seditious,
Now we’re lions, fuck the fishes
This is just how we roll
Yes, the Freys exact our toll
And this time the toll’s the heart within your breast
We’ll fuck you in the bedding
Heh, this IS a wedding!
Slay our guest
They’re no guest!
Slay our guest.

SOLDIERS
Bolton and Walder Frey
Kill when they don’t get their way
They’ve prepared and now they’ll share
A nuptial auto-da-fe!
You’re alone, little Stark
Now the future’s looking dark

FREY
And if you won’t wed my daughter,
Then your bastard line I’ll slaughter!
You’re surprised that I’m wroth?
You’re the one who broke his oath
Crossing us is worse than Lannister incest
You wed some foreign lass
So now I’ll have your ass
So slay the guest
They’re a pest
Now let’s end this Mummer’s jest
Slay our guest
Slay our guest
Slay our guest

I felt so dejected
As a Lord who’s not respected
When House Frey
Could never play
The Game of Thrones
Ah, those awful days when we were servants
Now at last we’ve come into our own.
Boy, you were too trusting
Your approach, it needs adjusting
It’s too bad that you won’t leave this hall alive
Too bad that you set foot in my castle
Guest right doesn’t phase me
Oh, you’re sorry? Oopsie daisy.

(CATELYN seizes WALDER’s wife by the throat)

CATELYN
We’re your guest
We’re your guest
We betrayed you, that’s confessed
Let us go,
No one will know
You’ve so immorally aggressed.
Spare my son, and spare me,
And I’ll let this girl go free

ROOSE
That attempt at extradition’s
Overplaying your…position

WALDER
Have a ball with that knife
I can get another wife
Who has got a tighter fit and nicer chest.
Now I hold all the cards

ROOSE
The Lannisters send their regards
From staying my guest

CHORUS
Slay our guest!

ROOSE
Be distressed. 

CHORUS
Slay our guest!

(ROOSE stabs Robb)

ALL 
Slay the guest!
Slay the guest!
You’ve no power to protest
For today, all the mercy of the Freys has been repressed
You will not venture forth
Fare thee well, King in the North

WALDER
Take your sorry and go shove it

CATELYN
Not my hair, Ned used to love it!

WALDER
Make an end!
Kill the bitch
Cut her throat
And send a note
To Lord Tywin telling him we’ve done his quest

FREYS
Don’t like Red Wedding days?
Then don’t offend the Freys
And stay as guests
Slay our guests
Slay our guests!

WALDER
Just slay our guests! 

Brienne

(If you’ve been wondering why I haven’t done any songs for Jaime and Brienne, here’s your answer. I’ve been building up to this.)

To the tune of “Belle” from “Beauty and the Beast.”

(We open with BRIENNE standing in RENLY’s tent while he negotiates with CATELYN. We hear her internal monologue)

BRIENNE
I must serve as Kingsguard to Renly
Every day, I must never quit
He will rule, and I will protect him
Til the end of days…

(The shadow floats in and stabs RENLY)

RENLY
Oh shit.

BRIENNE
Oh shit!

CATELYN
Oh shit.

(GUARDS rush in. BRIENNE stabs them both.)

GUARDS
Oh shit!
Oh shit!

CATELYN
If you don’t run out of this tent,
They’ll kill you.
You can’t avenge his murder, then.
Save your grief and every tear
'Cause you have to leave him here
If you want to stay alive,
Come on, Brienne!

(Cut to CATELYN and BRIENNE talking after she escapes)

BRIENNE
Lord Renly was the only King worth backing
A good man in a viper’s den
When it’s Stannis I attack
Promise you won’t hold me back

CATELYN
That’s a vow that I am glad to swear, Brienne.

(Cut to when BRIENNE kills the Stark men who raped the tavern men. She rams her sword through one of those SOLDIERS.)

BRIENNE
Didn’t you say
It was “two quick deaths?”

SOLDIER
Oh shit, this bitch can wield a knife

BRIENNE
Well, you just fucked with the wrong tomboy
'Cause I live more than a cisgendered life

JAIME (spoken)
Whoa, damn. Those were Stark men. I did not expect that.

BRIENNE (spoken)
I don’t serve the Starks. I serve Lady Catelyn. And it’s my job to get you to King’s Landing, so shut the hell up and come on.

JAIME (sung)
You realize we are gonna have to duel
The question isn’t “if,” but “when”
And if you’ll let me be real
I am kind of a big deal
Yes, I don’t think this fight will be fair, Brienne

BRIENNE
You think you’re so amazing
But your privileged crap won’t fly with me
Now, shut your mouth, Kingslayer
'Cause I won't discover that you're cool 'til Season 3

(Cut to JAIME and BRIENNE crossing the bridge)

JAIME
No wonder they call you “Brienne the Beauty!”
I shall not see your like again
I’m so tired and I’m bored…
(Steals her sword)
Never mind, I’ve got your sword
And your “beauty” can’t distract me, wench
Let’s hope you don’t fight badly, wench
So draw your sword, come at me, wench!

BRIENNE
Brienne!

(Cut to when BRIENNE is being dragged off to get raped by LOCKE’s men. JAIME tries to persuade him.)

LOCKE (spoken)
I got this, guys. When I rape her, she’ll get nice and wet, ‘cause I’m the greatest rapist in the whole world.

BRAVE COMPANIONS
We know.

LOCKE
No hymen alive stands a chance against me, and especially not her. She’s the one. The lucky butch cow I’m going to ravish. Drag her off.

(The BRAVE COMPANIONS drag BRIENNE off)

JAIME (sung)
Hey man, you know that girl’s knee deep in sapphires?
You could be rich beyond your ken
But you can’t exploit that fact
If her hymen ain’t intact
So go tell your men they’ve got to spare Brienne

LOCKE (sung)
You think you are the smartest person
So rich and strong and fucking grand
Well, pride like that will make things worsen
So now, Kingslayer, please give me a hand.

(Lops off JAIME’s hand. The next few lyrics are a montage running between BRIENNE talking JAIME out of killing himself, the bath scene, the dinner with ROOSE, etc)

JAIME
Oh shit!

BRIENNE
You wimp.
Kingslay—

JAIME
My name is Jaime!

ROOSE
Who took his hand?!

QYBURN
There will be pain.

JAIME
I’ll scream.

QYBURN
I’ll get the knife.

JAIME
Aerys was nuts.

ROOSE
Your sister’s fine.

BRIENNE
You killed the King!

JAIME
Well, can you blame me?!

(Cut to the bear pit scene, when BRIENNE has been thrown in.)

BRIENNE
So now farewell to this cisgendered life

(JAIME runs up to the edge and jumps in)

JAIME
Hey, Locke, your bear can suck my carving knife!
There is one way this girl is just like Cersei
She has more balls than other men
By her gender she is trapped
While I’m just handicapped
And I sense a kindred spirit there
So I will save this maiden fair
Now let’s escape this fucking bear…
Brienne!

LOCKE
Oh shit!

BOLTON SOLDIER
Oh shit!

(BEAR nearly grabs JAIME)

BRIENNE
Oh shit!

QYBURN
Oh shit!

JAIME
Oh shit!

BEAR
Roar roar!

You’re a Pawn I’ll Dismember

(Naturally, I know who “Boy” is, but this episode pretty much was the best chance to do this song, which I’ve meant to write for a while. There are mild spoilers in this, since some of the lyrics are references to other information. Enjoy.)

To the tune of “Once Upon a December” from “Anastasia”

(We are in the scene between THEON and “BOY.”)

"BOY"
I will rape, tear and rend
Friend, it’s pain you’ll remember
This has no happy end
You’re a pawn I’ll dismember

You’ll be whipped and flayed and torn
We don’t sew up the Ironborn
Scream until you cannot speak
And then you’ll be my Reek

(A chorus of PRISONERS moans and groans on their own torture crosses in harmony as BOY continues to torture THEON.)

BOY
Hope you like your torture porn
We don’t sew up the Ironborn
No one here can hear you shriek
And now you are my Reek

THEON
Come on, don’t flay me bro

BOY
But your skin is so tender!
Who am I? You don’t know
There is naught to remember
This has no happy end
You’re a pawn I’ll dismember

No song this week

But next week, if the trailers are at all accurate, there will be lyrical dissonance. A lot of it.

Khaleesi

(What else was I going to do a song about?)

To the tune of “Prince Ali” from “Aladdin”

(We open with DAENERYS being escorted to the plaza where the UNSULLIED will be sold to her, with MISSANDEI at her side. The SLAVERS are standing near the UNSULLIED.)

SLAVERS
Obey the Khaleesi!

MISSANDEI
This way, oh Khaleesi

(DAENERYS hands over her dragon to Kraznys, then addresses him in Valyrian.)

DAENERYS
Thanks for rebuilding my Khalasar
Now you will be screwed
Even worse than Xaro
Here in this Plaza, your ass is gonna fry

That’s right, slaving scum
Guess who has two thumbs
And will love to watch you die?

Khaleesi!
Now you will see
I’m a Targaryen
Here’s a switch
Dracarys, bitch
Don’t fuck with me

Those insults that you just flung
Were said in my native tongue
So now you’ll be checking my privilege
Painfully.

(To the UNSULLIED)

Khaleesi
Now you serve me,
Dany Targaryen
So please rip
People with whips
Murderously

This “stinking Westeros whore”
Just owned all of Astapor
Who’s mastered the art of war?
The Khaleesi

It was dumb, Master Krazyns, to mock me
I am deaf to each slaveholder’s plea
And I am still the queen of Dothraki
Now you’re going down
I run this town
And you’ll die just like Pyat Pree!

(she sings the next lines in unison with the UNSULLIED)

Khaleesi,
Says you are free
(There’s no question that this queen’s the keenest)
But this Targaryen
(And like us, she doesn’t have a penis)
Would enjoy
You as employed
Mercenaries!
(Everything about this girl scores admiration)

Who’s kicked tyrannical tush
(She’s seems like she is the one to guide us)
And made a westernized push?
(Like a hot, female Leonidas)
No, not George W. Bush,
(And we absolutely love emancipation)
The Khaleesi!

UNSULLIED
She’s got eight thousand pissed off Unsullied (Yeah, the Unsullied, we’re her Unsullied)
And a troop of half-starved Dothraki
And we all are just sick of being bullied
Now the whole world we are gonna slay
Soon Slaver’s Bay
Will be praising on bended knee
Khaleesi
Khaleesi
Khaleesi,
Imperial she,
Dany Targaryen!

DAENERYS
Like Abe Lincoln,
With a set of mammaries
So raise your spears to the sky
Where my three dragons all fly

ALL
'Cause we are killing Essos' lords
With a fleet of dragons and a storm of swords
And we aren’t quitting
Til I am sitting
The throne, and Westerosi
Obey the Khaleesi!